Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010~ what's in my head ~These few weeks have been zooming past crazily fast! I feel like I'm running a race against time. Never felt so tired before. I'm not sure if its age or its just this period where everything is crammed up. I'm in 3 sports, Chingay, 30th Anniversary Comm and part of the performing team for Amplitude (choir). Trainings were close to 3 times a week but I don't go religiously for every training, choir prac has been pumped up to 3 times a week too, and Chingay is still kept at twice a week, with occasional full runs on sat. Badminton's been trying to push practices to nearly everyday or whenever we can get the hall when it's available, and 30th is meeting almost everyday cause its 2 weeks to our event. For me, this is CRAZY. Too much to handle. What's worse, I'm still having problems settling my last module and work load this sem is... ... I had to drop something and I decided, it was going to be choir. So here I am with less 1 commitment. Now comes committee applications, mainly for second sem-ers and they miraculously started YEP again, with Yiwen heading the team. I think I've mentioned before how much I long to go for YEP but this year, I'm stuck with 30th and so, I had to hold back the urge to sign up because, I don't want to screw this sem up and I have already committed myself to something that really needs me during the 3 months. Why is it that when I want to try something, it seems like everything else just doesn't seem to fit. Ok, negative thinking here and I abhor feeling this way but I'll be ok soon. Like I always will be. Just need some time... actually, all I need is just 1 more module. Just settle my mods and I'll be able to focus better. Alright, done whining and complaining. Now for some thought provoking stuff (or at least they seemed thought provoking to me.. haha). How can one person pretend to be so nice in front of someone yet dislike them at the same time? Ok, maybe this is kinda common. What puzzles me more is... how can one live with being so sociable with so many, yet at the end of the day, remain an empty shell? Initially I thought maybe I could do something about it, or could perhaps help change the person, but I realise, the person's so happy the way he/she is and I'm just being taken as a sidekick. Or basically, someone that'll be there anyway. However, I think.. my initial motivation is wearing off and I don't know if I should find it back because I THINK someday, this whole "fake" living is going to crumble, and I don't want that person to be facing it alone. Should I just walk away? Don't bother if I seem like I'm talking rubbish k, as usual, I need somewhere to just vocalize my thoughts in my usual nonsensical way. As of today, I have 2 simple wishes (apart from my many other dreams and wishes) and they are... 1) get a module I want. More specifically EC4102 2) to make Charity Run a BLAST. =) Well, on to happier stuff... I had GOOD FOOD yesterday!! Siao Er and I met Wilson for lunch... went to NYDC at Holland V, and I had posh spice pasta! Concluded that I much prefer tomato sauce.. haha... After that, headed to Pacific Coffee Company for a rocky road frup!! These 2 gave me serious bad stomachache before training but indeed kept me high and energetic all the way into the night. Will be going out tomorrow with 3 special friends to my new found fav western (not cheap but worth I THINK) place... =D Shall sign off here now... looking forward to the good food to make me =D |